3. Chocolate Chip Cookie $1.09

At this point, he looked tired, like a worn-out dish rag that had been dragged through kitchen grease. “It’s… It’s a cookie.”

“Yes?”

“It’s literally just a chocolate chip cookie. You can have this.”

“I don’t know…”

“PLEASE! I’ve seen you eat cookies! We have both watched you eat Mom’s cookies directly out of the fridge!” His hands were pressed together in desperate prayer. “Please. Please. It’s literally just a cookie. I know you eat fast food cookies too.”

“But… what if it has cum on it?”

“NO CUM. No jizz. No spunk, no semen, no pussy either, nothing, none of that, it wasn’t even made with breast milk–”

“–WHAT?–”

“– this is one hundred percent, just a normal fucking cookie. Please,” and at this point he was crawling on the ground. “Please just try it.”

But she did not want the Perfectly Ordinary And Normal Chocolate Chip Cookie.

They were out of options.